I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize