I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
