found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
