Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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