I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
