she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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