By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
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