its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
