Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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