And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
