Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
