You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
