And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
