next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
