I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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