A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize