Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize