I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
