Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
