right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
