you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
