Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
