hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
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