i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
