I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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