those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
