last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
