the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I want her autograph on my taint
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
