I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
