Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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