Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
