Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize