Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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