There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
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