I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize