taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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