just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
