Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
