Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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