You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
