I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
