I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
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