I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
