I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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