How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Randomize