And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
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