apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
