help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize