i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
