tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
