i would punch a child for taco bell
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
