just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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