If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
