There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
