If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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