And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
