So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
