if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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