You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I need moral support for this bender
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
