She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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