He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
