she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
