Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
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