I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize
