Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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