make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Randomize