It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Randomize
