And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
