Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
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