You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
