He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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