Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
they need to just BURY HIM!
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize