I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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