How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
