there's paper in my vomit.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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