I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I came so hard my ears popped.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
