I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
God, I missed his penis.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
