getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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