haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
