I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
