You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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