I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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