Non-Jews are for practice
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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