i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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